humour

All posts tagged humour

An ode to Irish weather

Published January 27, 2012 by klutzy279

I get so sick of the crappy weather we get in Ireland it makes me narky, not that I am hard to please just  a few days that are dry and I’m happy……I probably should consider emigrating if I want to keep those that have to put up with me sane. I mean its like forks but no Cullens (oops another twilight reference….must not do again… must tone down twihardiness!) I love going for walks in the local woods when weather permits.

But I’m a total fair weather friend when it comes to the outdoors! The first hint of much rain and I’m put off.  Considering the amount of rain free days that occur in Ireland, I don’t get much opportunity unless I suck it up and get out there.  So today was lovely and I got out for a walk and I forgot how nice it is.  It also got me thinking about the inordinate amount of time Irish people spend talking about the weather.  Honestly if the weather wasn’t such a popular topic I have no idea what we’d talk about.  The sheer amount of ways to describe the rain is incredible…..

spitting, drizzling, misting, showery, lashing, pouring are just a few.

What then of wind?

blustery, breezy, gusty etc etc

The weather forecasters can quite safely forecast some showers most days and not worry about being wrong!

If we were to suddenly develop a Mediterranean climate our reputation as a nation of talkers would be ruined!

I think it’s testament to the Irish people that we actually entertain the notion that we are going to get an extended period of nice weather in the summer. Not that I do because unless I wear layers of sunscreen I sport a nice shade of lobster!  Cloud suits me just fine thank you very much!

Then if the weather is nice everyone complains it’s too hot after more than a few days of sunshine.

But I do love the green that this rain creates

I guess there has to be benefits to it! I’ll just have to invest in a nice pair of wellies and suck it up!

Life is short to let the weather rule it!

One day of nice weather and some fresh air my brain goes all outdoorsy…….oh dear tomorrow i’ll decide that I’m going to take up fishing or something……..not a good idea as it requires hand eye co-ordination and balance and patience (damn I’m a little low on all of those counts)

Maybe another benefit is the weather prevents me from following through on any mad ideas like dangerous outdoor activities or should I say dangerous for a klutz like me!!!!!!!

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A klutz’s guide to being klutzy!!!

Published January 23, 2012 by klutzy279

As I’ve mentioned I am very talented at falling over and being klutzy in general.  Bella Swan has nothing on me!!!!! Some of my greatest achievements are among the following,  drumroll please……..

Age 2 1/2  managing to fall off a stool and put all my front teeth up in my gum (see I started young!)

Getting hit by a car and breaking a leg

Falling down the same set of stairs twice in one day

Slipping at work while making a sandwich, and managing to slide out the gap in the counter to where the customer was waiting for said sandwich

Falling down the stairs at about 7.30 am while leaving to go to an exam with my coat and backpack on, and having my cranky neighbour come over and threaten to call the guards because of the noise I made.

Falling off a step ladder and managing to get both feet caught in it while doing so.

Tripping at school and launching myself over at least five school bags , Evel Knievel eat your heart out!!!!

Anyways I feel I have acquired enough experience to allow me top give advice to my fellow klutzs. Here are some top tips

Non slip shoes are a must! but not too non slip, you can trip just as easily when your feet grip too well!

Always watch out for leads from computers, hoovers etc

Wet floors are a no no!

Never consider working as a waitress!

Be wary of hot beverages and soup (see above advice)

Be wary of automatic doors!

Superglue is a must …..nuff said!

Protect your face as much as possible, I have walked into doors on several occasions, people don’t buy it……

Above all be zen when falling over is inevitable, a sore ass is better then a broken arm from trying to stop yourself

 

My fellow klutzs go forth and fall over and break things in peace!!!

X

 

Say What!

Published January 16, 2012 by klutzy279

I have a lot of  nieces and nephews and the things they say crack me up! Here are a few of my personal favourites!

  • Niece to her dad (my brother)  “Mamó (granny) said you’re  a pain in the ass!” At least he was her son!
  • Niece about a neighbour “Mammy why does she have black teeth?” Right in front of her I might add!
  • Nephew about a kid in school “Mammy why does his daddy have marker all over his arm?” They were tattoos….
  • Niece to me “If you’re mean to me I’ll lash you and throw you outside the door!”
  • Nephew “I know why dadó (grandad) has such a big face it’s to match his belly!”
  •  My sister to my nephew “Do that once more and I tell ya………..” reply “What’ll you tell me mammy?”
  • When I skidded across the floor and fell over my niece laughed and said “Good enough for ya!” I had told her off a few minutes before……..
  • After calling my niece over and over again eventually she comes in for her dinner  “I’m not deaf you know I was just having fun”

Out of the mouths of babes…….

that’s not my name!

Published January 11, 2012 by klutzy279

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose.  By any other name would smell as sweet”  Oh no it wouldn’t!

Number one of my pet hates is when people get my name wrong.   It happens ALL the time! I’m really beginning to feel like this song is my theme tune.  It’s not like it’s even that unusual or hard to pronounce, I have a name badge for fricks sake! For a while I considered not responding unless people actually used my name.  However,  something tells me that I may not have my job very long if I ignored customers.  I find when I meet people for the first time there are usually two scenarios:

A) Oh so your name is …. and then they promptly continue to call me a similar name to mine and I’m being generous when I say similar. I quietly seeth….

B)(exceptionally rare) …. how do say that again? and they promptly say my name properly from them on.  I quietly want to give them a hug!

I live in a small town so most customers think they know my name so I hear my name wrong at least 50-60 times a day (maybe I’ll bring a clicker next time) .  Or maybe I should have my name written phonetically on my badge.

The good news is there are advantages!

  • You can ignore teachers and lecturers for years when they ask you to answer questions! “oops I didn’t know it was me you were talking to”.
  • You can get away from that annoying person you want to avoid when they shout at you from across the street.  “oops sorry I thought you were calling somebody else”.
  •  It can save you from endless telephone surveys . “Sorry nobody lives here with that name, you must have the wrong number”.
  • You will never get all that crap like mugs or keyrings with your name plastered all over them. But beware the crap that can be customised to order…
  • It makes you more careful about learning other peoples names properly.
  • You can make a whole blog post about it ( I mean if I was called Jane what would I write about…….